Thieving, Dirty, Rotten ‘Coons

I make no bones about my feelings for those filthy bandits. As I’ve been teaching my four-year-old, “The only good ‘coon, is a dead ‘coon!”

My ire is fresh because of what happened last night…

Saylor has a little “garden” that we planted from some cast-off seeds. It’s a pseudo-raised bed, with marvelous soil that I brought in from the cow corral. Nice and rich.

We planted multifarious corn varieties, and then a couple weeks later planted pole beans and squash. The “three sisters” concept.

It worked well, and his garden fared even better than our main garden!

The corn ears were just starting to look good, and obviously the raccoons thought the same thing.

I walked out to the morning chores today, to see this:

Violated Sweet Corn Where The 'Coon Trampled

Corn Remnants What The 'Coon Left Me

There are maybe 5 or 6 little ears left. And I really hope I get to eat them, but the only way that’s going to happen is if I get that ‘coon before (s)he gets my corn. Who am I kidding? There are probably like 20 of them. A whole ‘coon family tree.

I also found this:

Ripped Open Bag Of Cracked CornThat one was my own fault. I took two 50-pound bags of feed out of the car yesterday before a three-hour round trip to Columbia, thinking they’d only be in the way, and would cut down on my gas mileage anyhow. But I left them sitting on the ground, and didn’t really think about them for the rest of the day. That/those stupid raccoon(s) had a veritable corn feast last night.

I have no live trap, and have been unwilling to spring for one (pun intended, of course). I did, however, buy four foot-snare traps last winter, to catch the evil fox that ate my chickens. Never caught the fox, but did snag a raccoon that ate my poor ducks. Shot him in the head, dead.

So tonight, I’ve set my traps. They’re firmly anchored, and far enough away from my crops that the snared ‘coon won’t trample my plants as it hopes and writhes until I get out there with my .22.

So when I trap him/her, (s)he can be so close to the rest of that corn, (s)he can almost taste it! Almost.

So when I trap him/her, (s)he can be so close to the rest of that corn, (s)he can almost taste it! Almost.

Two More Traps Another Trap Traps Laid

I know, all of this sounds terribly merciless. And so it is. I’ve seen what those varmints can do to my hapless hens; I’ve seen them dig underneath a chicken tractor to maul chicks, and even eat a sleeping chick’s head off by reaching through the chicken wire. I return their voraciousness with a certain unhinged passion of my own. I don’t take kindly to thieves.

And so I sleep easy tonight, in hopes that a red sun will rise on the local ‘coon population. I’ll update this blog once I find success.

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9 Responses to Thieving, Dirty, Rotten ‘Coons

  1. friendmouse says:

    An option to the .22 slug to the head would be to use either a Sand Wedge or a Pitching Wedge to the cranium. It worked well for me one night, although I’ve forgotten which club I selected. The only down side was the blood splatters. When I came back into the house with blood on my face, it scared the missus for a second.

  2. Texan says:

    We have battled the raccoons here. Our chicken coop is like Fort Knox. We had to go to what seemed like extreme measures to keep them out. We lost quite a few chickens before we finally got it raccoon proof. They can surely be annoying!

  3. Mark bales says:

    Nathan, your trap set is wrong. Better google it. You’ll catch him by the nose and he’s gonna get loose the way you bated it . You need to get the foot.

  4. Rexx says:

    I have declared an everlasting war against such vermin. There are no terms of surrender other then this….”If you kill yourself and your family and your species I will stop hunting you down. Otherwise a miserable death to the vermin”.

  5. i so badly want to stake out your garden to catch them red handed. May your traps be swift and your bullet be true.

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